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"...more than once..."


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Demographic info:

(None)

How would you categorize the incident?

Rape

Is the culprit somebody you(the victim) know?

Yes

Were there any bystanders?

Yes

Was this case reported?

No

Was the culprit legally prosecuted?

No

Any other details to share?

My parents always went out for work and only back at night so they left me at the neighbour's house almost every day. Their family consisted of 4 sons and 3 daughters. The youngest daughter was one year younger than me and I considered her my best friend back then. I sometimes went to that house because that was the only place I know if I wanna go play with the youngest daughter. Sometimes, my parents came back around midnight (1 or 2 am) because they handled their small business at that time. So usually, I will sleep in the provided room. One night, when I was still half asleep, few boys entered my room and surrounded me while I was still lying on the bed. I can feel they stripped off my trousers, and they raped me while I was unconscious and confused. At that time, I don't even know what the word rape means or stands for. I never tell the incident to anyone because I thought that was how those boys play with kid. Plus, I was a quiet kid and rarely talk. There was one time their dad also did the disgusting thing on me while I was lying on my side watching tv. Because there were no people at living room at that time, he tried to put his penis through my back. I was freeze and can't move and didn't know what to do. I was quiet most of the time. This incident happened more than once. It happened everytime they got the chance whenever I was at that house. This incidents only happened at their house. When I was 12, I started to understand that what they did was wrong so I avoided as best as I can. However one day, I still went to that house because I planned to play basketball with that youngest daughter but turned out no one was there except their oldest son. He grabbed me into his room and raped me. At that time I was tried to run away and fight back (it was my first time to fight back). However, he covered my mouth and grip my wrist that I cant move at all. After that, he sent me to the front door of his house. I went back home but I never tell anyone. This incident stopped because I went into boarding school and lived far away from my hometown and neighbourhood. At school, I went into library searching a book about Q&A collection with ustaz. I found a question asked by anonymous person that should she tell anyone that she used to be raped? The answer was no because that ustaz said it will open her 'aib' and she should protect it especially from her future husband. So from that moment, I told myself to keep that secret tightly and never tell anyone. I suffered the depression and all alone for years. I only opened up and tell about it when i was 22 years old. I wish I told it earlier. I told to my my parents last year, when I was 27 years. When I was a teenager, I hold on to that Q&A book that I never realized how the burden pressured me that I suffered heavy depression, and suicidal thoughts and used to kill myself more than once. Now I am still healing and I think by trying to help other victims also part of therapy for me​.

What do you think would be most effective in preventing rape and sexual harassment?

Tougher laws and enforcement, Sex education in school, Public awareness campaigns on rape, Ban child marriage

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